I really want to tell you this.
I really want this to sink in.
This has been on my heart, blatantly said to me as well, and as a result left me completely in this place of ponder, wonder and –
TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.
I rarely feel totally out of control.
Control and me go way back.
But the control switched in form years ago once I learned the secret to life:
switching the control from your external life (trying to control the things that happen outside of your control: other people’s thoughts, feelings and actions) to your internal life (taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings & the actions you control, etc.)
And, I did good with it.
I mean, I did good on making the switch.
I’m queen self-control internally.
No seriously, I am.
To a fault though.
I have amazing habits.
My writing, working out, all the “deeds”, all the actions.
In business, relationships, writing, body….
I am good at and very conscious about my habits – they are all well researched deeds I do – like why I wake up at 4:30am (originally that took some convincing, but my life is much better for it!)
BUT THIS is about a shift away from controlling the external and the internal and giving the control completely away to God (or away from the self and trusting more fully God – more deeper, more fully, more completely – there’s always that next layer, next level of trusting.)
HOWEVER, part of the reason I do these deeds and take these actions is because maybe, just maybe I want to control the results!
Clearly the reason and motivation for doing anything is to obtain a specific result, but obviously life doesn’t work that way.
Sometimes, doing the deeds, the actions, the habits DON’T lead to the results you want, and I know why.
I had this major A-HA moment (I get them daily really – that’s what happens when you ask God to reveal Himself to you) where I realized, again, but with a slightly different twist – lime versus lemon stuff…
You can do ALL THE RIGHT THINGS AND STILL FAIL MISERABLY.
This has been my life.
Checking all the boxes especially this year (Day 239 of a perfect iWatch Ring Closing – for all my ring closer’s out there… I get you!)
Trying to do lots on my own – even with help of people and I have amazing support in my life, but still holding on to the results.
RESULTS are OUT OF YOUR CONTROL.
And I want to share this with you – things that have happened to me specifically in my lifetime, if not this year:
- buying property, doing all the right things, due diligence and even having 20 – 50% equity in the property and it being a COMPLETE failure
- buying investments, again same sue diligence, and then fraud or mismanagement – completely out of your control and the investment is worth nothing
- working out, eating right – not losing a pound for over 8 months
- doing all the “healthy” habits and STILL getting sick
- having the perfect resume and not getting a job
- doing all the education to think that will bring the confidence and it doesn’t (do you get that? You can go to Harvard and still struggle with confidence! Cause I have deep talks with people who struggle with confidence and went to Harvard! And I have a LOT of education and it still doesn’t bring confidence.)
TALK ABOUT FEELING LIKE THE BIGGEST LOSER.
I feel so often like I’m the biggest loser on the planet.
And I could go on and on… but that covers some of the bases, I mean I didn’t even open up the relationship can of worms.
We can’t control the HUMANS at all, despite handing out the instruction manual – our instruction manual, which clearly lays out how others should act around us and towards us – which always seems to be thrown out with the original packaging… hmmm, don’t worry, I’ll forward you a PDF copy to send out to all your people…
Summarized as follows:
- Love me (they don’t)
- Be nice (they don’t)
- Communicate well (they don’t)
- Hug often (they don’t)
- Laugh easily (they don’t)
- Say “I’m sorry” (they don’t)
- Forgive easily (they don’t)
MAN – if everyone went by my instruction book for them the world would be a much better place. Right?!?!
Like, what is up with people that don’t like us?
What is up with people that don’t like me? HELLOOOOOO – I’m nice!
The thing is that THEY are allowed to choose whatever they want.
They can choose to hate you for the color of your skin, the color of your hair, your snorting laugh, your car, how much money you do or don’t have, your nail polish color, the stretch-marks on your stomach…
So, PEOPLE and RESULTS, out of our control.
We know this.
But where the big A-HA moment was for me is that I’m still letting all the external things affect my self-worth.
I’m like this in my brain – pleading with God:
“God, I’ve done everything right and it’s still sucking.”
EVEN WHEN YOU ARE DOING ALL THE ACTIONS.
It’s the shift from:
EXTERNAL CONTROL –> INTERNAL CONTROL –> GOD CONTROL
(Most people spend their life still trying to control all the things outside of them and never get to a place of full surrender. I will say that internal control, also known as self-control is so important.)
So, AND THIS IS IMPORTANT! – does this mean that I should stop taking all the actions and doing the deeds to get a desired result?
Should I stop full bore and say, “Well, hey, this didn’t work for me and now, I give up?”
This is the time to surrender more fully.
This is the time to receive more fully.
This is the time to give more fully.
This is the time – when all the chips are down, all the bets are on the table, all the balls are with the other team, balls in the other court –
When you have done all you can do and you’ve got no other cards to play –
When you are SPENT –
When you have given it YOUR all –
To Let Go & Let God.
Be at peace.
I’m at peace today, here, in this moment.
And that’s the goal.
Be at peace.
You can’t get everything you ever wanted without it.
And keep returning to that place of peace when all the control is out of your hands and live in that wonder, the mystery, the joy of the possibilities that lie ahead – the magic about to unfold but you have no idea what that looks like – that is when you…
Live Your Legacy.