I have been in a state of inquiry.
This happens often for me.
I hope it happens to you too, cause it’s a growth thing.
Sometimes I get my answers immediately and move on with life.
Other times, I get stuck and stay in inquiry for weeks, maybe months.
My life seems to stop.
It comes in the form of depression, or at least that’s how it presents itself.
(I am cringing writing this, I really hate being this vulnerable with random strangers… and even more so with the people I love or people that know me!)
Not having clarity around a certain issue in your life always manifests itself in a form of depression. I’m aware of this for myself, and I can usually spot it in others. (If not, this being the main root of depression in most humans.)
This inquiry I’m in right now I want to share with you because I think it has a profound impact on ALL aspects of our lives, including money.
Warning: BLOG POST 1723 LIFE GIVING WORDS! #micdrop
So, way back in the day, the biggest challenge (of my teen years and twenties) most definitely was self-worth or my lack of it.
This is what fueled my life.
Not being good enough.
Never being good enough.
The entire list of accomplishments in my life can all be traced back to self-worth issues and having to prove everything to everyone.
I would say I valued myself below all people, from a place of love and respect. Meaning, I have always had the gift of being able to see the gifts and beauty of everyone around me, look at them with awe, but not myself.
I do have the gift of deep compassion.
I’ll be honest, I struggle with how that serves me. The best that I can come up with is that it is the fuel for my why and overflowing compassion which powers my relentless drive to serve others in the area of money mindset, above all the other money stuff.
Then in my early 30’s, I went through my awkward, but the BEST ever, spiritual phase. The one where you really seek out, test all your beliefs and come to a deep understanding about life and death and everything in between. You really come to know the character of God/universe/higher self. (PS. some people find this in their 20’s, others in their 50’s or 60’s – it’s not a competition, this is just when I really came to peace with death, for lack of a better description.)
The place where death has lost its sting, the place where I don’t fear death for myself or anyone, and the place where I literally have the peace that passes understanding – because you literally can’t understand it – it doesn’t make logical sense – AT ALL.
You just are connected to God. That’s what I call it – you can call it whatever you want.
That was my spiritual phase.
Where everything under the sun is meaningless (so to speak). Zen. Peace.
So, in this last decade – and keep in mind, I’m turning 40 at the end of this year – I have literally swung the pendulum from a place of “not good enough” to a place of “you are perfect just as you are” and it did leave me confused.
Opposite beliefs at best.
And can you see where having opposing beliefs in life can totally mess you up?
It’s like you are not allowed to like black and white, you have to choose one. (That’s what society has pushed for so long, still does. “Are you Republican or Democrat? You can’t be both.)
And I have said this many times, probably in 199 different ways (because you are reading blog 199!)….
Life is duality.
Life is meant to be opposing.
In all things.
The thing that we as humans forget and to be honest, we humans totally don’t like to sit on the fence where both sides exist.
We crave black and white.
We crave right and wrong.
Make a choice already. Stop procrastinating.
And do you know how difficult it is to live in a mind where you see both sides as equal and both beautiful and necessary to this life?
Can you live in a place where you hold 2 contradicting beliefs at the same time?
“You are worthy just as you are in this moment.”
“You can grow and strive for the next level.”
Wouldn’t that blow your mind?
I personally have been having a very hard time with it over the last few years trying to understand something that doesn’t really make logical sense.
On one hand, if you truly live in a place where you know that there is nothing you can do to “be worthy” – you just are – and that you were created perfectly and everything is perfect and let’s say you are totally sold on that and totally ZEN about it – then from a place of peace, contentment and love – what is the point of swinging back to the place of strive, hustle, become great, set the goals, do the things to get to the next level?
In other words, what is really the point of living? Why strive and fight for your goals? Why make the world a better place when the world truly is perfect as it is?
(Okay, I completely realize that this is going to sound crazy to some, but I know my peeps are nodding their heads and totally relating to this right now!)
Do you get what I’m putting down?
Why hustle when you are already created perfect?
Why strive when none of it really matters at the end of the day?
Okay, so, many people haven’t even discovered the place where they are worthy and created perfect and there is nothing they can do to lose favour in this perfect universe.
That’s really a hard thing to understand and resonate with, especially if you’ve been programmed not to believe that.
And yes, when you get to that point, you can join a monastery and meditate all day, because you are totally enlightened. (Vipassana anyone?)
You are SET FREE when you realize that you are totally worthy.
And then real life kicks in, your ego kicks in and wants more for you – wants more from you. (This is good btw, and by design.)
But wait – you are already made prefect – and worthy.
So, how does this all fit in with everything – money? life?
When you are completely stuck in the “I’m not worthy” and “always striving” camp, you will completely block the flow of money to you.
But when you are stuck in the “I’m worthy” camp and sit on your butt all day doing nothing just because you know you are worthy, that’s not good either. You will create a different kind of money block.
See how confusing this is?!
FYI – those of you with a hard work ethic, top of the class, volunteer to death, many degrees and certificates – especially in women – is usually (not always) a sign of “I’m not worthy.”
Isn’t that fascinating?!
It’s usually the women that bust their butts, and seem to have all this success from the outside world that struggle with self-worth the most.
Not to mention, people who are very intuitive and connected struggle even worse than the average bear.
If you resonate with this at all, you are my people!
But if there’s hope for me, there’s hope for all of us women/people that struggle in this area.
I learned a secret tool back in 2013.
It’s so simple and yet so magical.
It’s the word AND.
Yup, the word AND.
It’s being able to hold space for two opposing beliefs – or morph/combine the 2 beliefs and create your own new belief, totally in alignment with all your crazy opposing beliefs.
To utilize the word “AND”, you need to:
- Believe that your beliefs are the most powerful magical tool you have and can and will totally transform your life.
- That you can create any new belief at any point in your life – they are always morphing and changing, not just a one-and-done thing.
- Believe that words your say become your thoughts and your thoughts become your feelings and eventually deeply register as your actions – which become your beliefs.
If you believe those statements, then you can start adding the word “AND” into your life and start shifting some of your beliefs that are holding you back.
Perhaps you love yourself very much, yet on the same hand you want to “look” better in whatever area, yet you logically realize you can’t be unhappy with your body on one hand and love it on the other – it truly doesn’t make sense.
“Pick one already!” Your brain screams to you. Either hate or love yourself.
But the truth is this, we do love ourselves and we want to improve as well.
Here’s how you do that.
Combine your belief that you are worthy with a belief of something you would like to believe or accomplish, even if it doesn’t exist in your current reality.
“I am worthy AND I am worthy of (getting a boob lift, losing weight, start eating right, lift weights, rockin’ body, etc.)”
Here are some more examples of “AND”:
I am worthy as I am now AND I am worthy of:
- being fit, lean & healthy
- earning $XXX,XXX,XXX per month/year in my business
- making $XXX,XXX,XXX per month/year at my job
- saving/investing $XXX,XXX,XXX per month/year
- being healed
- on my way to becoming …….
- being a great mom, sister, friend, daughter, wife, partner …….
I encourage you to write down a few of these statements in your journal and say them out loud AND let the words resonate through your body after you declare them.
There is power in words.
You don’t have to choose one side or the other anymore. You can love yourself in your current reality and get to the next level.
See, it still doesn’t make logical sense, but you’ll have to go on a leap of faith here and really start re-programming your neural-pathways.
If you’ve been struggling with being “good enough” and “not being good enough” at the same time, then this is how you conquer it. (The head-knowledge versus the heart-knowledge, right? They say different things.)
If you’ve been struggling with just the good ‘ol “not being good enough”, then just drill in the “I am worthy.”
The few people in the world that I have met that have this down to science are usually the most successful people I know, in all areas of their life.
Embrace the opposite.
There is room for us all and all our opposite beliefs to live in harmony.
You can love yourself, be enlightened and hustle and strive for the next level.
The world is a walking, breathing contradiction anyways. Many of us just haven’t accepted that it’s okay to just BE that way.
(BTW, this magic word can heal all kinds of relationships, not just your money beliefs.)
Make peace in your head, clear the chaos by adding AND to your life.
I am wonderfully made AND so are you.
Best of all, what becomes possible for you through the word “AND”?
This is how you….
Live Your Legacy!
PS. Okay, that was a long one, but so important to get this mindset thing right! Same with your money!
If you need to create clarity around your money, make sure to check out The Wealth Spa™ Money Method!